Han

Saturday, April 23, 2011 7:35 pm

First Journal Entry (:

Personally, even before reading the book I was already excited to read it. I had looked it up on the Internet before even getting the book and read ahead about what it was about, and what the author Ishmael Beah was all about. Reading this book was so addictive, exciting and really sad and eye opening at the same time.

The first page of the book stood out for me a lot, the way it was put. It was quite simple and it had a great impact for me. Actually I'm talking about the page that is right before the page where it says chapter one, just so we're all clear on that. It seemed like almost a movie scene for me. How where he was now, or at that moment, it seemed like a time where a flashback would happen. How a movie would start out as the aftermath or at the end of the story and then go back and lead up to where it was. I thought it was clever how he did that. The text itself made me, ponder if that's a good word for it...It was sort of the little peer of embarrassment almost? How people are unaware of each other and their stories, and where they come from. Though his friends wondered, and it seemed so innocent the way it was put. It also made me wonder why the word "Cool" was italicised, and how he smiled a little. It was just a really good beginning for me, I thought, it was really well put.

Right now, I'm basically 1/5 into the book, and it just seems so addicting to read. It's only been two days, reading, and I shall read more tonight. Quite mesmerizing and intense. Though it almost shocked me how fast things went, and how many things happened in such a short time. I felt sad, and almost embarrassed for all the things I complain about when the whole time he kept on going. Through all of that hes seen, and how brave he was for going back, staying calm. If it were me in that situation I would've probably just given up and that's it. It also concerned me how I feel so casual hearing about war in other countries, and it doesn't really pass my mind as anything serious. The words, are lifting off the page and it just makes me feel kind of bad for this is happening and happened and they must endure it.

"We must strive to be like the moon." (Beah 16)

I thought that was a wonderful statement, as it was so honest and true. No one ever does complain about the moon, and makes me rethink about complaining about things. Also, when I was little I use to really favour the moon, and I suppose I still do, though when I was little it was almost a religious thing to look up at it. I'd always find shapes in its dimensions and my mother always tells me and use to tell me how obsessed I was with it. It was something so far but in reach of everything going on. It never lets you down. Also, in the book The Life and Death of Charlie St.Cloud, he talks of " chasing the moon " and though it gets him almost into trouble, that supports my  love for it.  Or in the book " Walk Two Moons" there's a quote, " Never judge a man until you've walked two moons in his moccasins." The moon is never seen as something demonic or bad, and it's that beautiful triumphing goal. It's always there.

Anyways, so far I am enjoying this book very much, it's  pulling on my heart strings and I am glad I chose this book. That is all. 

-HanVan(;

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Monday, April 25th 2011 4:12 pm

Second Journal Entry (:

So now I am a fairly into the book and am shocked at how much has happened and how quick they happen. The whole way through he still continues going and moving and doesn't stop. Losing and gaining people along the way and facing death often. I felt really sad how he had been separated from his brother, what he had left of his past and his safety was all gone. Then that spark of hope that was reignited as his presence was near.

At the beginning of the book, it had reminded me of a lesson we had in history class. It would be during the great depression and the children would just elope and leave to either better help their parents and family to have one less mouth to feed, or in some sort of way find freedom or work somewhere else. Leaving without saying another word, which was how the children in Mattru Jong did it, and most likely the rest of Sierra Leone. With that, also the bursts of happy moments in the villages that he passed by where he would be dancing to and singing and having a good time, but it was just for a little, and he knew it. He knew that it was just a little thing, and that hell would commence soon enough. His capability of being happy in the middle of that all amazed me. Though he knew that the happiness he had at that moment wasn't that of what he felt before, and couldn't be.

Certain words in the text I would need to look up while reading. Most of them were all italicised in the book, and it was to reference toward the words in the culture. I thought it was lovely how the good and difficult times of their culture was reflected, from going to the mosque to all the rebels taking over. What was fairly sad to me was how while everyone was fighting no one could be trusted, making everyone fight with one another as well. The group of boys of eighteen and under were seen as a menace and a big enough threat to ambush and kill to keep safety for themselves. Though the hospitality of certain gracious characters made such a wholesome story. The old man who provided and helped them but insisted not to give out his name, and the fisherman who helped heal their feet. Through all the madness, how they still were selfless. It was so beautiful of them, and almost chilled my ego.

In chapter ten, when it was retold the stories of each individual boys story and their suffering. It was awful for me, just reading that and knowing that was true and it happened. It reminded me of that Free the Children assembly in grade nine, the man who had come and spoke and told his story. Suffering within suffering, and each individual suffering that are all agonizing in each way. Each having their journey and a terrible one. To me, Saudia's story was the most obstructing to me, for the idea of all that cruelty that is in our city as well scares me so much. Don't think me wrong, but when he died, not to say I was glad, I was so sad that he died at that age and because of all that happened. Though, because of that bird they ate, and how he died. I really think that his suffering was to end there, and that it was best for him, so he could reborn another bird and fly with free winds.

-HanVan(;

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Wednesday, April 27th 3:58 pm
Third Journal Entry (:

After Saidu's death, the thought of knowing that their parents and families were in the village over was the best thing that could happen. The excitement was overwhelming knowing that they'd be reunited and they were that close to them. It also showed the innocence of them again, as they all got excited and pondered what would they do when they saw their parents. They'd hug them and say what and do what with them. It was a cute moment but was disappointed so quickly. I find that with this book, after something terrible happens, there is that little bit of serenity but with it does it come and go like a breeze of wind. It then commences another horror or disappointment. I understand that to be happy there has to be a sadness out there for it to exist but, with this circumstance and with its length, immensity and pace it seemed so cruel. Showing up to the village and seeing one again another slaughter by the rebels, when they were so close, to their family it felt so cruel.

The situation of Gasemu shocked me, I got a sort of casual vibe from him that was free but lazy. It was sad when Ishmael hurt him out of anger and sadness. Though I understand where he was coming from, and still when Gasemu died Ishmael felt so much regret. It was the endless build up of regret,sadness,awful memories, all conflicting with one another. Still, them being able to function through all this amazes me.

When the Lieutenant was introduced he also did surprise me. When he and Ishmael had that scene in which they shared the thought of Julius Caesar, in such situation and place I felt that the book didn't belong. Though when Ishmael shared his memories of putting on the monologue and his father sitting up front with proud eyes, it was such a beautiful nostalgic scene. It also conflicts me as from a man that reads that, to a man who shares the bodies of the dead who decided to leave and face the rebels rather then fight and possibly die doing so. He put everyone in a tough situation and tried to make it seem as an easy pick, though both were death.

Again, the characters seemed so child like and innocent as they could barely hold up their guns and didn't know how to stab a banana. Though as the men repeated "Visualize the enemy, the rebels who killed your parents, your family, and those who are responsible for everything that has happened to you."(Beah 112) The manipulating of their minds and using what has hurt them to do such things was sick to me. It reminded me of this Anime I watch, in which the bad guy uses this boy who is lost for his parents were killed in fear of a Coup D'etat and the bad guy uses that want for revenge and thirst to kill to his advantage. The brainwashing disgusts me and makes me sad as it is approaching and escalating. The boys begin dreaming of the drills and speaking them while they sleep, which is just the beginning. Which scares me, as they were just the boys who sang to rap and played along. Being kids, to these soon to be monsters.

Anyways, it seems to be intensifying at the moment and I'm scared of what to learn, the thought of it being a real story makes it so much more different to read.

-Han Van (;

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Friday, April 29th 2011 8:38 pm
Fourth Journal Entry(:

The transition of what he did in the drill to how he acted on the actual raids was so different it was almost spine chilling. Though I found it sad, as he watched his fallen friends, and within that confusion and anger and sadness did he shoot and kill the rebels. His pain, from all that have died before him was flashing through his eyes and was used in the Lieutenants manner. Ishmael did it for, his people, his friends, his family and all of the others that have been killed by rebels, but killed them himself. The thought of killing is so strong, and at the age he was it must've been something. After all he has been through, I feel like killing another, that triumph of revenge of anger was so sad. How far he had fallen, even though I think the rebels deserved it, it was still heart wrenching.

The addiction, of the cocaine, and marijuana while being influenced with the violence of all the war movies and fighting videos. How not only him but his friends have all been warped with the idea of killing and its pleasure, with the motivation of all the dead. Sadness that powered them all to such things. How he got up to such a title as junior lieutenant. I was almost mad at the corruption and how they gave and gave all that. How when in the contest of seeing who can cut the person and whoever can kill them first, and Ishmael won in one striking. He felt no remorse, or regret, or hesitation but it was just for his family and all those who died. It is a conflicting feeling in which you feel glad that the rebels are getting what they deserve, and its revenge of everything, but at the same time because he is taking all this revenge he is being the antagonist himself. Though it did interest me how it stopped his migraines, and how after he was off the drugs they returned. It was as if he was in a false reality that soothed him from facing what was real.

When UNICEF showed up, it was so casual for me, as they walked in and picked from the soldiers. I felt a little remorse over Kanei who by then, was by far of age and was so corrupted that he could no longer be saved. UNICEF only saves the children before they are so lost, but I feel as if Kanei too deserved to be saved. Though, I appreciate the gentleness of how it was put, "Kanei was left behind, maybe because he was older." (Beah 129) His conclusion in the story though felt too casual for me.

Arriving at UNICEF, how bad they seemed to be, trying to escape, escaping, fighting with each other and that of those who tried to help them. It scared me, seeing how far they had come from the beginning. Contrasting where they have came from and what they were to what they have become and their immense power and fear was striking.

Three characters that were introduced became to my liking, Esther, Uncle Tommy, and Leslie. Esther how she was gentle but sweet and understanding to Ishmael and gave him comfort. She gave him the sense of innocence and childhood again, how she looked down upon him almost like a little boy who was reeking childish pranks. I also loved her for bringing back rege rap cassettes back into his life, and how she shared the love for his music with him. I appreciate that sense of connection and trying to get in touch and loved his passion for it in the first place. I loved Uncle Tommy, his not awkward but put together yet not stern composure. How he was ready to step up to the plate and how he cared for him, it was so kind and caring and beautiful how he was brought to tears. Then Leslie, as he tried and cared to get the connection and find Uncle Tommy, his determination to reunite them and Ishmael to a family was beautiful.

After all that he has gone through, I felt almost proud of what he had accomplished, to going back and fixing himself. How he searched in the moon once more and saw all of that he could see, his eyes that opened after the darkness had blinded them out. I was proud of him for being able to come back, and I almost felt nostalgic as well as he felt the moon follow him once more. The moon that has been so particular and is now still there after all that time waiting for him.

When he says he no longer looks at the city lights but at the moon, I felt as if he meant no longer what was put in front of him but what he chose and what he perceived. He looked farther once more into depth and pondered. I enjoyed his  memory of his grandmother once more, as she isn't forgotten. The sky speaking to those who listen and tells them the explanation of every tear, suffering etc.I felt as if, by wanting the sky to talk to him, he wanted the forgiveness, reassurance, and balance in which to move on from. I personally love the sky, and on good days and bad I look up on it and judge it by the clouds and its shapes and patterns. Usually I feel as if it matches the mood I am, or how I feel or how the day went, and I feel as if what the grandmother had said really matched my habit.

Now, the story is but on the curve to the end and even though it seems to be getting better. I don't believe it is good, for he had to go through all that and he will never be the same. Then at the same time, I believe that what he has gone through and his story, his ambition, has made him what he is and who he is, is a better person and who he was meant to be. I find this a beautifully tragic inspiring story and am looking forward to the ending.

-HanVan(;

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Sunday, May 1st 2011 1:55 pm
Fifth Journal Entry(:

To go with before, I like how there were certain repetitive lines that were used int he story. The one about the rebels what they done, to get the children to kill and brainwashed them. Then the one saying none of this is your fault, it shows the power of words.

I WAS ABSOLUTELY DISSAPOINTED AT THEMOST OF THE  LAST CHAPTER. I couldn't believe that after all that time, after all the tears and all the triumph that they would too take over the city. That the gunshots and massacre and all the sadness would return. I was so upset at the awful life of his, not sympathy but it was just so unfair. I felt as if it was so unfair after all he had been through, his sanctuary his one glorifying time in which he felt safe again was destroyed, ruined. Though the very very ending, I saw a peaceful transition of it.

I was so sad at the death of Uncle Tommy as earlier I had mentioned that I had that almost liking of him and his character as he brought the gentle safety to Ishmael. It made me almost laugh when he didn't believe that Ishmael was going to New York City and how it was that slight tease as how they just let him go without even knowing he was actually leaving the country. For some reason, that scene was a little odd for me but I suppose it would've been alright during that historical perspective.

When Ishmael left the rehibilation center it was so sad, I thought just because he healed there it was nice of him to stay. His days there were so simple and I thought that, it didn't feel right for him to leave but then I realized it was his time to move on and start his life again. It made me so sad as Mambu, in brackets was explained that he had to RETURN to the FRONTLINES as his family REFUSED to take him in. I thought that was so sad as well, I mean his own family wouldn't take him back and forced him to return to the horrors and have him lost forever.

I also like how him and Esther chose to stay in touch but there was that little distant faint of some sort of emotion when Ishmael came at the wrong time and Esther had to go to work to help other children. How Ishmael thought of how many stories she must hear, and how his was bad enough but she has to hear thousands and why does she do it? It boggled me aswell, it reminded me of this woman. Who wrote this really gruesome book about reality and situations like this, and more and more people started to ask her to write about other stories as well. She ended up commiting suicide for mysterious ways but it was most likely because of all the stories she had to burden and have on herself. It makes you rethink pshychologists and what they go through, how everyonoe has their battle be it theres or anothers.

It made me feel weird though, I understand the need to want to get away for he just couldn't go back to being a child solider, but what about his new found familiy and Mohamed that he was leaving behind in the burning dangers of the city? Now I just wonder what happened to them, and wonder if Ishmael did anything after he had left. The buses how they were stopped constantly, sounded like the scariest thing, there's just no way out, no where to run.

I rather liked the very very ending though. I liked how he got out of the country at least, and I felt happy he was considerably safe, and knowing he wrote the book he is someone somewhere out there and doing okay now. I liked how it ended with him looking upon someone else , telling a story. Stories and memories have been a large contributions to making the book what it is. I mean, we all have memories but the meaning of them are they all really brought up like this? It makes me rethink my childhood and what I had and where I'm going in the future. Even though the last line, the answer to the elders riddle he would end up killing his mother in the decisioin, I thought it was a good one. Killing the monkey so no one else would need to be in the perdicament, I felt like that was like sacrifice. Taking upon the burden and guilt so another wouldn't need to, to help open a ray of sunshine for someone else. I think that's what like being a parent is, making a brighter future for your children by putting up with all the crap on the way to get them through. His story, his memories and guilts and experience, though more then awful and sad they gave birth to the realization of us all. They gave us the conduct and trigger in our minds and awareness of everything else going on in this world, outside of ours. I think this book was devine and really showed what it is to be a person and what a person should be and how delicate we all are and how easy it is for us all to change and lose ourselves. I like this story for its a hopeful story, as it became a story, a memory, that he can tell to us all.

-HanVan(;